Happy People Do Less! ❤️

This week I realized that I create my own anxiety. I would come home from work and on my way home, thoughts would race. I would say to myself, " I have to cook, clean, do laundry, serve dinner, clean up again, oh and I need to lose some weight!". Speaking to my father in law made me change my perspective. He told me to simply "do what you can, you rather be happier doing less than miserable doing everything". BINGO! Whenever I try to do everything like a maniac for my home, I become so tense. This takes a toll on the marriage. I begin venting about everything I do for our home and him. This is where the arguements cave in. I started to just do what I can. I also started to enjoy myself. Tuesday afternoon, after work, while I was sitting on the bright red seats on the metro north, gazing out the moving sceneries of westchester; I began to panic. I knew I had to run home and make dinner before my husband arrived home. At least that's what my brain said. Well I resisted my brain's thoughts and decided to meet up with my friend from my old college to have lunch/dinner. During the whole time of our meetup, I still kept thinking about all the things I had to do. I enjoyed the company with my friend and I was completely engaged with her. We started talking about my marriage, her ex-boyfriend issues, and about my goals on going back to school. It was nice, until she told me, "Merry you look so tired and stressed. You were so much happier when you were seperated from your husband". I told her "yes I know because it was different then, my mom took care of everything and I was always out". She replied, "well why can't that stay the same, even in this period of time?". DING! I realized at that point that I do not have a balanced life. I calculated that I was away from home working on average of 79+ hours a week. There are only 168 hours of the week. Half of my week is spent away from my husband and home. I spend 25+ hours cooking,cleaning, ironing, laundry etc. This leaves me very little "me time" and creates a lot of anger towards my husband. So I decided that my friend is right. I deserve to have tht same "glow" back when I was in college. I came home that evening and told my husband, "I ate already, I had dinner with my friend from school. I also don't feel like cooking because I am tired.. I have been up since 5am". He replied, "It's ok, don't worry about it, just please order food for me". My face lit up like a candle on a birthday cake glistening on a child's eye. So as he ate his takeout dinner he told me to relax, remembering what his father told him I assume. His father told him to not put pressure on me to do everything for the home because I am exhausted. Well I was so happy to not cook that I began to start dancing to my favorite Turkish Oriental Belly dance music. He was happy to see me happy too. Then, I looked around after a song stop playing. The anxiety came back...I thought to myself "OMG the house, the dust, the disorganized items, I can't take it.. ahhhhh". But I did not show the anxiety through my expressions. I remained calm and started cleaning with a smile on my face. I finished at 11pm. I ended the night with a loving "kiss goodnight" from my husband. There it goes! My first attempt to resist the voices in my head and turn them into my friend. As a result, I am having a better week with my husband. He even takes out the garbage now, willingly. He smiles when he comes home and so do I. Moral of the story is anxiety may just come from our own created rules and expectations that we repeat to ourselves in our head. It may feel like it is "uncontrollable" and like you are at war with yourself. However, practice makes perfect and one day you and I will become the warriors of our own life! I have been really productive at home and work this week with a better attitude. I just keep saying to myself "just do what you can". My mother has been helping me with meals as well. This takes a huge burden off my shoulders. So seek help and remember, "better to do less and be happy than to do everything and be miserable"❤️ 

P.S. I plan to change my job where I will be able to come home and have way more "lunch dates" with my friends 🤗